If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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