Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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