woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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