just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
