it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
