Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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