I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
