She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
