how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
