a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just pee around me
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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