I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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