I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize