I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
