the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
