it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
