He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize