youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
