Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
