i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
