my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
