Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
