Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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