He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Small penises have feelings too.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
