dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
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Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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