Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
