dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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