Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
