I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
