Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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