Apparently you make a good broom.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
you made out with another girl for some wings
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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