Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
