Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
