She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
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Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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