Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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