how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
