dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
