Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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