who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
