You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
