Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
