I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
