I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
