The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
