thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
