I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
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