I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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