you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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