Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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