Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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