Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
