it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
