It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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