A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
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