You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
