I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
