i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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