C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
