If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
