She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
