he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
