im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
