Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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