Where did you get a picture of my penis
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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