Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
