You're completely useless in the revolution.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize