i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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