Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
