She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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