just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
