Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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