New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
