You smell like stripper and shame
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
