after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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