i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
