Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
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I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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