I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
