well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
