You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Randomize
